....because so is the country we live in...

She was raped, hurt, left to die on the side of the road, humiliated. She battled for her life for so many days and in the end...she lost. Damini or whatever her name was, is dead. And with her died women's chance of ever being free of this demon because so is the country we live in.

Was this her punishment of going out for movies? Is going out for movies wrong? Whether it's with our boyfriend or with anyone else. Don't we have that right anymore either? Are we condemned of trying to live a normal, happy life? Are these monsters not going to stop no matter what?

I have no idea what to say or how to begin. It's unspeakable, the horror she went through. The demons she fought not only that day but every moment of her life since then. How can someone live life and start feeling normal after something like this? I don't know what would have happened had she survived this. Maybe she would have fought for justice but would she have got it? The verdict or the trial is still uncertain and if these monsters, because that is what they are, don't get death my hanging then I'll forever feel that this whole system is corrupt and incapable of justice. If that comes to pass, I'll be glad Damini didn't stick around to see the end of it. Whether her death is a mercy for her or not, I do not know. Only time will tell.

As for this country, well we know what will happen. This incident will lead to big political and media circus and in the end, the true essence of the matter will be lost after thousands debates, arguments and verbal fuck-ups. It's already started with the President's son making the most stupid comment ever in his life. I'm sure his father blasted him over his failure to keep up the perfect facade. There are factions who go on to say that women should dress better. Especially a few in the Islamist faction.

Why, I ask you? Why the hell should we not wear whatever we damn well please? It's our life, our money, our wardrobe. And it's our body. You have no right whatsoever to stare, comment or touch us.

What happened with that girl is a sign of failure of the democracy of India, the system and most importantly...us. We failed her. We failed ourselves. 66 years of India's independence and we have still not been able to empower the women of this nation, we have failed spectacularly to make them feel safe and welcome in this society. Where do women not face discrimination? Right from the moment they are conceived to the day they die, they have to face criticism. Even in their mother's womb they're not safe. They're fighting for their lives, their freedom, their happiness, their rights....because so is the country we live in...

Sure there are protests and marches, but for how long? How long will people fight? Someday we all have to return to our lives. I'm not saying that the effort that is being put in is not admirable, it is. And sure, the Government will make promises for stricter laws, but will they come through? Will the laws be passed and most importantly, will the laws be as strictly implemented? Hell, more than half of us don't even know the laws properly.

As for the rapists, who are they? Why do they do something like this? These are questions we can never answer. We can only speculate. Why do they do it? Lust? Domination? Psychopathic sickness? I don't know. But I do know, all those people are monsters, animals. But why do this happen? In this case, I'll say I know the answer to this question.

Boys grow up always listening to their elders as referring to the girls and women as the weaker sex. Daughters, sisters, wives, mothers are not treated equally or maybe even respectfully in some households. How will a boy learn to respect women when he's never seen them being respected, when he's never taught to respect them? How will he develop that thinking, that psychology of treating the opposite sex as equal and respecting them? It is we who have failed. This age-old gender discrimination that's been prevailing our society is what has failed us and even after such horrific crimes we have still not risen above this petty and stupid discrimination between men and women because so is the country we live in.

My mother hesitantly once tried to say to me to dress conservatively but she couldn't even finish the sentence because she knew that whatever she said will be wrong and in no circumstances was I gonna stand by and listen to her. She knew saying it would anger me and at the same time she knew it would be fruitless. When people say that dressing provocatively is wrong, I say, "What the hell." What about women who get raped wearing sarees? What about small girls getting raped? Were they provocative? It doesn't matter what we wear, monsters will be monsters and a six yards long piece of fabric is not going to be able to keep the monster away.

In another case, a policeman said that the girls roam around with boys and make boyfriends so what do you suppose will happen. I say shut up. What about married women getting raped? 10 year olds don't have a boyfriend yet they get raped and abused. So this line of logic is completely stupid and useless. Having a boyfriend or dressing "provocatively" is not criteria for women getting raped. Heck, tomorrow if someone says they find saree or burqa provocative, what the hell are we supposed to do? Stop moving out of the house? Hide in the basement cowering in fear?

It's not girls who need to learn. It's the boys. So please, teach your sons to respect women, treat them as equals and make them realize that just because God them an organ and superior physical strength doesn't mean they can bloody well do whatever they want. Boys, learn some control.

Even as the protests continue and the nation is reeling with the shock of her death, even as I am typing this very moment, I am dreading which woman or girl must be living through this horror. Because we all know that as soon as we open our newspaper, we see an average of 10 cases of rape reported every day from all parts of India. And these are only the women who came out and reported this. What about those who remain silent out of fear or humiliation?

Women, you have some rights. And it's time you learned about them. These are the 10 legal rights every woman should know.

I could keep writing and writing but will never be over. Hell, I've barely scratched the surface. I don't know what the future holds for this country but I do know that no matter what, I always want a girl child. I just hope, she comes into a better country with a safer environment for her to live her dreams.

Love

I know. It's the most worn out topic in the world. Probably most of you are not even gonna read past the first few lines. It's just not interesting anymore. You're looking for something new.

I'll give you new. What I wanna ask in this particular post is: Does love really exist?

I have a friend. Every time we discuss our separate relationships or somebody else's story, he ends up saying in the end, "There's no such thing as love. What is there is affection and man's need for a person who understands and supports him all through life."

When I ask him does he not miss his girlfriend, all he says is, "I miss her not because I love her or I am addicted to her. I miss her because I am used to her presence in my life. She's like a habit I have."

As for me, I am the complete opposite. I am a die-hard romantic. Nothing can change that. Oh please. Don't make that skeptical expression. I am not one of those people who believes in fairy tale endings or happily-ever-afters or undying love or whatever. And I am certainly not in love with the concept of love. I am a 21st century girl who is completely practical in her view of life. But love? Oh yes, I believe in love. Completely.

What my friend says is true to a certain extent. Affection, supporting the other person, understanding...all these things are a part of a relationship. You can say that's love. Missing someone because you're used to their presence in life...well yes that is love. That's how I see it.

But love for me, is a lot more. It's wanting a person to be happy no matter what it is that forms their happiness, even letting them go. Love is fighting for that person, fighting to win them back, fighting to keep them, to be with them. How can you let go without a fight?

Love is wanting to be with them, being happy and comfortable in their presence. Love is understanding them, respecting them, supporting them, always being there for them.

But love is certainly not crowding their space or being obsessed with them to the point that it becomes stalking. Maybe you don't wanna share the person but at least let him or her have a life.

Here I have two entirely different views of love. Or maybe they are not so different after all. I don't know. I am a romantic and I think I shall always be. I don't know what you think. What is love? Does it even exist? I'll leave you to discern your own answers. After all, it all depends on the perception of the person.

Reactions: Justified or attention seeking?

It's certainly not unheard of for movies to get into a fix with some religious group or the other pertaining to some word or article used in the movie. Sometimes the objections raised are completely valid and require action but mostly the objections raised are frivolous and clearly attention seeking. Such objections are a time wasting nuisance for the film maker.


Recently, Ekta Kapoor's Kya Super Kool Hain Hum fell a victim of one such controversy. Over what? A name. A dog's name to be exact. The dog's name is Fakhruddin which was also the name of India's fifth President. And so the family raised objections.


What I don't understand is why the rest of the Fakhruddins of this world have not raised similar objections? I mean, they too are being insulted, right?? Is it possible that there is just one Fakhruddin in this world? Or to be more accurate, was only the ex-President of India named Fakhruddin? What about the 'Meeras', 'Vijays', 'Aditis' and others in this world whose names have been used in the movies? Shouldn't they raise objections too if they find their namesake on the screen behaving in a manner not befitting their personality? Or species?


I swear, day by day people are either becoming too unrealistic or too sensitive or just plain damn attention seeking! It's just a name people! A proper noun! Grow up. You are not the center of the universe. There are probably hundreds of people in this world who share the name with you. If they are druggist or underworld dons or prostitutes, will you object? Will you sue them? It's absolutely stupid.


If this carries on, Bollywood will soon have to start using numbers in place of names for their characters! It's impossible that a name used in a movie is not a name of any person in the world. What are they trying to do? Prove that they are attention starved and so are ready to do anything in order to gain limelight? 


People, please...GROW UP!

"The way I dress is NOT a yes!"

Hundreds of designer labels, thousands of amazing dresses...that is what the market offers us. Who does not love a beautiful dress? Who does not want to own a beautiful dress and look her best? Nitika (name changed) was one such girl. She saw a beautiful dress in the window of a boutique and she bought it. She wore it to a friend's engagement party where she was admired. Boys flocked around her and people showered her with compliments and attention. Being shy by nature, she turned away from boys and stayed with her group of friends. What she did not know was that she had caught the eye of Rishabh (name changed). He was lusting after her the whole night. When she left the party and went to the parking lot for her car, he cornered her. She was physically hurt and mentally broken. She didn't know who to turn to. Who would believe her? What would her parents, relatives and friends say? So she kept quiet. But she couldn't keep it inside her for long. It suffocated her and made her depressed.

This is the story of several girls, not only particularly in India but all over the world. What was Nitika's fault, I ask you? She only wanted the beautiful dress and look beautiful wearing it. She didn't bask in people's praises. She didn't invite Rishabh to take liberties with her. All she wanted was to look good. I ask you boys. Do you not like to look good and be the center of attention? Do you not like girls to flock to you? So was what Nitika wanted any different from you want?

A dress does NOT say "Come rape the girl wearing it." If you ever get that message across from a girl then that is your sick psychology. That's is your mental problem and I suggest you see a psychiatrist for it. So what if a girl is wearing a mini skirt or a low cut dress? Can't you control your hormones? Are you that weak? If yes, please men, stop boasting that you're stronger than women. You're so not!

I know the reactions I'll get to this blog. Was I raped? No. Should I wait around to get raped to have this kind of reaction? Was a friend or someone I know raped? No. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Why wear this kind of dress? I say, why not? It's our life to do with as we wish. We can wear what we want. There is nothing wrong with it. But no, it's not your place neither your right to ruin our lives. You have no right to touch someone against their wishes. It's a dress, not a yes!

For those who still insist that dressing provocatively is the reason women are raped, I ask you. What about the women wearing sarees getting raped? What do you have to say to that? A dress being provocative is just a lame excuse. What are you trying to say? That the raped is the criminal and the raper a victim? I think you're mad. 

“It’s a dress, not a yes,” is a rallying cry at the SlutWalk marches, which demand an end to rape and victim blaming. The movement , when a Toronto constable warned students that to avoid getting raped they shouldn’t dress like sluts. Within months, anti-rape activists began taking to the streets in SlutWalks from New York to New Delhi. “It’s a dress not a yes” is more than a catchy rhyme. It means that what a woman (or a child or a man) is wearing is never an invitation to rape.  People show up in sweatpants, jeans or everyday shorts, carrying signs that read, “This is What I Was Wearing When I Was Raped.” They wear flip-flops, thigh-highs, clogs, and running kicks. A particularly heartbreaking sign held high at one SlutWalk announced, “I was raped when I was 4. I didn't know that footsies were slutty.”

It’s time we are clear about what constitutes rape and it’s time we respond appropriately. We need to change our culture to one that asks not, “What was the victim wearing?” but, “Why is he raping?” Fight rape, not women.