"The way I dress is NOT a yes!"

Hundreds of designer labels, thousands of amazing dresses...that is what the market offers us. Who does not love a beautiful dress? Who does not want to own a beautiful dress and look her best? Nitika (name changed) was one such girl. She saw a beautiful dress in the window of a boutique and she bought it. She wore it to a friend's engagement party where she was admired. Boys flocked around her and people showered her with compliments and attention. Being shy by nature, she turned away from boys and stayed with her group of friends. What she did not know was that she had caught the eye of Rishabh (name changed). He was lusting after her the whole night. When she left the party and went to the parking lot for her car, he cornered her. She was physically hurt and mentally broken. She didn't know who to turn to. Who would believe her? What would her parents, relatives and friends say? So she kept quiet. But she couldn't keep it inside her for long. It suffocated her and made her depressed.

This is the story of several girls, not only particularly in India but all over the world. What was Nitika's fault, I ask you? She only wanted the beautiful dress and look beautiful wearing it. She didn't bask in people's praises. She didn't invite Rishabh to take liberties with her. All she wanted was to look good. I ask you boys. Do you not like to look good and be the center of attention? Do you not like girls to flock to you? So was what Nitika wanted any different from you want?

A dress does NOT say "Come rape the girl wearing it." If you ever get that message across from a girl then that is your sick psychology. That's is your mental problem and I suggest you see a psychiatrist for it. So what if a girl is wearing a mini skirt or a low cut dress? Can't you control your hormones? Are you that weak? If yes, please men, stop boasting that you're stronger than women. You're so not!

I know the reactions I'll get to this blog. Was I raped? No. Should I wait around to get raped to have this kind of reaction? Was a friend or someone I know raped? No. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Why wear this kind of dress? I say, why not? It's our life to do with as we wish. We can wear what we want. There is nothing wrong with it. But no, it's not your place neither your right to ruin our lives. You have no right to touch someone against their wishes. It's a dress, not a yes!

For those who still insist that dressing provocatively is the reason women are raped, I ask you. What about the women wearing sarees getting raped? What do you have to say to that? A dress being provocative is just a lame excuse. What are you trying to say? That the raped is the criminal and the raper a victim? I think you're mad. 

“It’s a dress, not a yes,” is a rallying cry at the SlutWalk marches, which demand an end to rape and victim blaming. The movement , when a Toronto constable warned students that to avoid getting raped they shouldn’t dress like sluts. Within months, anti-rape activists began taking to the streets in SlutWalks from New York to New Delhi. “It’s a dress not a yes” is more than a catchy rhyme. It means that what a woman (or a child or a man) is wearing is never an invitation to rape.  People show up in sweatpants, jeans or everyday shorts, carrying signs that read, “This is What I Was Wearing When I Was Raped.” They wear flip-flops, thigh-highs, clogs, and running kicks. A particularly heartbreaking sign held high at one SlutWalk announced, “I was raped when I was 4. I didn't know that footsies were slutty.”

It’s time we are clear about what constitutes rape and it’s time we respond appropriately. We need to change our culture to one that asks not, “What was the victim wearing?” but, “Why is he raping?” Fight rape, not women.